Self-understanding
What to do when your self-rating and your friends’ feedback differ
You may think of yourself as quiet, while a friend remembers you keeping a conversation going. Start by asking what was happening and what they saw you do.
Write down your experience and their observation
At a gathering, you might have felt nervous while also asking a question when the conversation stalled. You remember the nerves, and your friend remembers the question.
Divide a notebook page in two. On one side write what you felt, and on the other write what your friend saw. Both can describe the same moment.
Consider who was there and where it happened
You may listen more at work and talk more with close friends. If people describe you differently, think about the settings in which each person usually spends time with you.
If you can ask a friend directly, try “When did you notice that?” A single concrete example gives you something you can reflect on later.
Keep a note with the context
Instead of “I’m good at conversation,” try “In a small group, I can ask a question when the conversation goes quiet.” That records where the strength shows up.
Next time you’re in a small group, notice whether you do it again. You can test an observation that came from comparing both perspectives.